I took a mental step back, being straight and not lesbian, and said, “Please tell me more.” This intelligent and articulate woman ventured to share something vulnerable and very relevant to her life with me and I wanted to truly hear her perspective.

“Hit it and Quit it!” It’s one of the dating cries of Generation Z– (also known as iGeneration or iGen and Post-Millennials) the people born between 2000 and present.
Having gotten this far into this newsletter means you have put forth much more effort into reading this than many people these days put into wooing their latest sexual partner.

I’ve been asked this many times as I’ve been dating. It’s an understandable question once people know that I am a psychotherapist. That is in essence what I do for a living. I analyze people.  I’ve learned to respond with “Yes! And I hope you’re doing the same thing too!”

But they’re not.

“Dating is hard.”
“Online dating is inauthentic.”
“Men aren’t even trying. They are lazy jerks.”
“Women are playing games. Bitches be trippin’!”

In the past, before online dating, a single, professional man or woman would be lucky to meet one potential suitor a month. And that would be considered a good month!

A great activity I do with couples when they aren’t in duress but perhaps coming in for a tune-up because stress is throwing them off their game and they aren’t jiving like they know they can is the simple yet powerful “values activity”.

Dating is broken
And I ain’t jokin’

You need more than a pretty profile
To make me smile

What’s in your heart and are you smart
Matter way more to me before I even start

Can you speak the truth
Can you own the wrongs of your youth

Sex is easy, baby
If that’s enough for you then maybe

No, for sure I know
You’re not the one to be my beau

Communication means way more than talk
If this is foreign to you, then you may walk

When I explain to women and men that waiting at least 90-days upon meeting someone new in order to have sex with them is wise, they often laugh, roll their eyes and say something akin to “yeah, I don’t see that happening!”

“Y’all need to walk into this party tonight like your pussies cost $1 million!”

“You just need to catch a dick and forget about all of your troubles.”

Say what?!

Two phrases of dialogue I paused to write down in the pilot episode of Euphoria starring the young star, Zendaya.

I would have never watched this show or known what all the fuss was about if a high school client of mine hadn’t mentioned it more than once in a casual way. Her mother asked me to watch it to weigh in on it. She mentioned her daughter had already watched the full first season. And she was pumped to see the second season.

“I’m not going to wait 90 days to have sex to only find out they’re bad in bed!”
This person is revealing their mindset about relationships– sex is the ultimate achievement in a relationship. The best part. The main reason for the relationship. The whole point. The key to true power. If the first sex is bad, it’s over.